Mauser (mauser) wrote in manbashingads,

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Cingular, McDonalds, Capital One

Guys are stupid, but women still go out with them. How else can they become happy successful single Career Moms who have it all, the Feminist Ideal, unless they briefly endure this ordeal. Fortunately, there are stereotypically easy ways to get rid of them.

That's the message in a Cingular Wireless commercial. First, you come up with a strange guy:

"I gotta go to the bathroom, wanna time me? Go!" Okay, where the hell did they come up with THAT?

Fortunately, our fair damsel has the walkie talkie feature of her cell phone (something I've never entirely understood. It's a PHONE for cryin' out loud, who needs Push-to-Talk?) and can commiserate with 6 of her friends (metaphoricly under the table) on what a "Train wreck" the date is and get ideas on how to ditch him.

Oddly enough, rather than simple honesty, men have to be tricked. Fortunately, their universal weaknesses are well known in AdWorld. Even though it's obviously a first date, it's time to pull out the big guns. The winning suggestion from her friends. "Ask him about Marriage" "Oh, and say your biological clock is ticking!" Yeah, Marriage on the first date, that'll scare him off. After all, we know all men are a) afraid of Committment, and b) scared of having kids. That surely would put a crimp in their pimpin' lifestyle.

Oh, and in case we weren't aware of it being a bad date, the guy comes back from the bathroom and huffs in her face, and says "Free mouthwash in the bathroom!"

(I'd kinda like to see the other half of the commercial, with the guy calling his buds on the phone in the bathroom trying to think of other ways to drive her off. It would NEVER happen. Because clearly this woman is perfect in every way - other than the lying thing.)

Guys also are a) slackers but b) so competitive they'll make up games and rules on the fly to deal with each other. So there's a McDonalds commercial with three roommates, two of whom are just slobbing around on the furniture, and one with a dress shirt and tie, who suggests they all get some McDonalds. Slacker #1 says the Job Guy is paying. "Why do I always have to pay?" he asks. "Because you've got the fancy job." Obviously not TOO fancy if they're going to McDonalds, and if paying is such a burden. This also implies his slacker roommates don't have jobs. Slacker #2 pipes up "and you have the fancy tie." Exasperated, Job Guy fumbles with his tie and pulls it off and throws it at Slacker #2, where it hits his leg and falls to the floor. "Now you have the fancy tie.", and Slacker #1 clarifies the apparent rule "You were the last one who touched it."

Have you seen a lot of slobby women in commercials? Well, maybe the harried housewife in a commercial for some household junk you order with an 800 number. But not in national campaigns for high end corporations like McDonalds.

I don't even HAVE to try to transcribe the Capital One commercials where the stupid dad drags his family all over the place at the wrong time because he's got the wrong credit card to take advantage of airline miles when he could actually use them. Like the Ski trip in the middle of summer....

The competent dad is a long dead breed.
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